You're Only As Happy As Your Saddest Child

PARENTS!!! Could there be any truer words? No! 

I remember when a wise and gracious friend uttered this statement the first time and I didn't really grasp it. Because my kids were littles. Hers were emerging adults. But WOW, did I remember the sentiment the first time my daughter had a major friend break-up, the first time my son had a heart-break, and many times since.

It doesn't get easier. Moms of littles. Prepare your hearts.

So, how do we as moms and dads, steal our hearts to be strong for them? I haven't done it right every time, in fact, I've probably done it wrong more than not, but I'm here to offer some advice for when you find yourself in the midst of their sorrow. A pain that feels so much more because you can't fix it.

My first bit of advice is don't try to fix it. It's futile and it can ultimately put a wedge between you and your hurting child. Instead, try this:

Listen to whatever they wish to share. Try not to prompt or fill in the blanks too much. Sitting with them in their silence as they process and put words to the things they're experiencing helps them learn that skill, and reassures them that they were right to trust you. You are their safe place.

Acknowledge how hard, sad, stressful, (whatever adjective fits best here) the situation is. This is not the place to interject your personal experience, words of wisdom, advice, or really any other feedback than pure acknowledgment. Don't worry...if you have something helpful to offer, you'll get your chance. But this time is for them. Be patient.

Ask one simple question: "What can I do to support you right now?" And prepare for the answer(s) to be: 

• I don't know
• Nothing
• Get me food
• Give me a hug
• Sit with me
• Turn on _____ show
• Fix everything
• Some other request or any combination thereof

The important thing is to be there for them so they can figure out how to best help themselves. Resolving problems, having hard conversations, making amends, soothing heartbreaks, these are hard things that everyone must learn to navigate. And oftentimes, the fix isn't quick.

Which means, when we're invited into the moment by our child in need, no matter what the age, it takes time. This is hard on us because we want to fast-forward to all-better so we can be all-better too. 

Humans are wired to avoid suffering. So when you volunteer to be there for your hurting child, you also volunteer to wade with them through the hurt. (UGH!) Maybe a good way to reframe is this: you are sharing your child's burden. You are taking a small portion of the weight off their shoulders. You are helping them get to a place where they will find healing.

Until that time, when you're sitting in the work with them, feeling all their feels, you are only as happy as they are sad. Be steadfast friends. Be strong. It'll make a difference.

Hugs. 

{J}

Photo by Clément Falize on Unsplash

Deadlines: Motivating or Paralyzing?

A writer's desire is to have their words shared and appreciated by a broad audience. But there are LOTS of steps that lead up to that end. So when we met with FIVE great agents at our recent pitch conference, and EVERY ONE of them asked us to send them more, we were FREAKING OUT! (See all the CAPS here? Those represent the screams and yells and jumping-up-and-down that occurred with each request.)

After the adrenaline coursed through us and we sunk into the couch to assess the work to be done before actually sending our manuscript, we realized something that we'd forgotten since college: 

When you're faced with a deadline, if you want to have a chance at reaching your goal, you have no choice but to rise to the (stressful, terrifying, intense, exciting) occasion.

Have you ever been in the situation where a deadline did the opposite? Where you actually froze in the light of a looming pending project. Well, that almost happened. Because...the stakes were so high! So, we thought we would share the strategy that helped us get the job done.

Holly and Jenn present to you...The Four R's.

1. Relax: Remember the adrenaline? Well, it's a real thing that can change your body's/mind's ability to think rationally. So we took a lot of deep breaths, we cracked some cold La Croixes, and we just let our soaring hearts take their time finding their way back to steady rhythm. It took about thirty minutes.

2. Recap: Then we wrote some details down to make sure we didn't lose them. Which agents wanted the full manuscript? Which wanted a smaller sample? Where were we going to send our precious words to? What format was best? How about the text for the email? The one-sentence pitch? The comparable titles/authors? How much should we edit our query letter or synopsis? And most importantly, WHEN would we have it polished off and ready to go? We wrote all those things down and looked at the calendar. 

3. Relegate: We love lists, and we're good at them. Quite good. It's a Mom-Super-Power. The list became our roadmap, and included all the tasks we needed to complete to fully prepare for submission. Things like, should we capitalize King, Queen, Princess, Duke, etc. throughout the novel? Did we spell Elyssiun (and other unique names that spell-check wouldn't recognize) consistently? (The answer was NO. It was spelled five different ways - too many Ls, Ys, and Ss. Ha!) Don't forget to remove double spaces, fix formatting issues, check hyphens and ellipses, quotes and italics, then review it all again once it's converted to MS Word. The list went on. But once allthethings were written down, we assigned them and got to work. 

4. Realize: As in, put into action. It took six days of intense work, lots of calls/texts, too many cups of tea, late nights and early mornings, to finish polishing and prepping our manuscript. But by Friday, we hit SEND and watched our baby go off into the hands of qualified agents, all of whom we'd be honored to work with. 

And then we settled down to wait and pray for the right partner for The Vale. We will keep you posted.

But if you have a deadline, if the pressure of a pending project is a source of anxiety, we hope the Four R's can be a helpful tool for you.   

Happy Summer friends! 

#dontpanic #plan #keepitmessy #itisthebestoftimes

Photo by Katie Harp on Unsplash

Writing Conference Inspiration

Writing conferences...we LOVE them!! Truly! It's in this environment where a writer can feel all the creative energy and hopefulness that budding authors share. Professional editors, literary agents, and publishing folks, gift us their insights, experiences, and nitty-gritty. They give honest feedback on ideas and map out the various paths to publication. Writing conferences are FULL of good stuff. 

Transparency here: writing conferences are also very stressful. Virtual ones too. For the authors who have spent years working and dreaming and re-working their projects, it's just another opportunity for someone to imply that they aren't good enough. That their idea is overdone or too obscure, either way, unsaleable. (That's a real word...a nasty one in my opinion.)

But if you really want to be a published author, as in any profession, you have to take the good with the bad. And with a little preparation and grit, you can learn how to make the most of the not-so-fun parts of any job, right?

Writing conferences can build and tear down. They can inform and overwhelm, inspire and discourage. They can be all these things. It's really up to you how you deal.

So this is the trick. Writers, aspiring authors, dreamers: we have to learn how to be game-players, in the most authentic, humble sense of the term. Here are some tips:

1. Prepare for a conference like you do a job interview. Present yourself in every setting as someone who's serious about their writing career, even if you're just starting out. Practice your pitch with your family and friends, perhaps strangers. Get feedback and refine it. Arrive early, engage with the conference faculty and attendees, build relationships and take notes. Smile. :-)
2. Create a list of talking points, the three most important things about your book, and make sure the information is relevant to the industry professionals you plan to talk with. Comparable books/authors, the audience and genre, and why the world needs your book. Start there.
3. Do your research. Each literary agent has a web page with details on what they like and who they represent. Follow them on Twitter. Look up #MSWL (Manuscript Wish List) to learn about trends. Maybe your book doesn't fall into a trendy box...that's ok. New is great!! Just know how/why it's great and practice selling it.
4. Set your expectations in line with where you are in your writing journey. If you haven't let anyone see any of your words on page, or if you are stuck on chapter one, you're not quite ready to fully pitch your book yet. Still go to the conference. Attend the workshops that will answer the questions you have at the beginning stage of your project. Still talk to people, you can pitch your idea and state honestly where you are in the process. Every author started at the beginning once. And feedback at every stage is essential.
5. Prepare your work. If you have a complete book and plan to pitch to agents or editors, make sure your work is the best it can be. Have you received feedback yet? It doesn't have to be a professional editor (though they are amazing and if you can invest in yourself, you won't be sorry), but at least someone who reads a lot and loves you enough to be honest. Even better, find a critique group. Send your words out in the world and see how they fare before you pass them over to the pros.  
6. Believe in yourself. This may sound obvious but humble self-confidence is REQUIRED if you want to be a published author. And if you spend time doing the first five steps above, you'll find that goes a long way to helping you believe.

This weekend. we're participating in the virtual San Diego Writing Workshop. It's our first time pitching via Zoom but we're pumped. PUMPED, I tell you!  

Wish us luck and all the right words. 

Love you all,

{J & H}

Photo credit: Debby Hudson: Unsplash

Meet John

Imagining John, our 17 year old male lead and second POV. His deep cerulean eyes and his heart of a lion pull Emily in. He's also the reason she get's kidnapped and stolen to the enemy realm. He'll have to break all the ancient rules to find her. He'll have to stay alive too. Small sacrifice for love.

#John #theprince #lionheart #allthefeels

Meet Emily

This is who we imagine when writing our lead, Emily. She's 16, a resilient empath with an overprotective mother, and she's about to find out who she really is. Then she'll have to decide who she wants to be. Choices are everything. 

#Emily #thesparrow #theunexpectedsavior #thevale

Meet Finn

This is who we see as Finn, the Messenger. He's been 20 for 300 years, give or take. So he knows a thing or two about the realms. But will he be able to do the one job he was tasked with? Or will he miss something so big it'll change the course of the realms? 

#Finn #themessenger #bringingbackthetrenchcoat  

Pitch Madness...But It's Oh So Fun!!

ROMEO AND JULIET+SUPERNATURAL

The Princess doesn't want to be royal. Funny she thinks it's her choice. The Prince wants to fix it all. He should start with his demon issue. The Keepers should've kept them apart. These four will either save the world . #PitMad #YA #F #R

Sometimes you're born in an outer realm, hidden on earth, spellbound from your powers, and no one tells you. Then one day you fall in love and all hell breaks loose. Literally. Because your families are enemies and have been at war for a millennia. #PitMad #YA #F #R

Emily and John have been hidden in the Vale all their lives so they have no idea they're really heirs to opposing realms. That's gonna mess up their relationship. Will one of them abdicate the throne for love, or will they go to war? The realms vote war. Damn. #PitMad #YA #F #R

Join in the #PITMAD fun here!

Happy writing, writerly friends. 2021 is your year!