TRUTH

 

That is all. #keepingitmessy #wewishwecouldpodcast #mobilerecordingstudioisntsocialdistancing #rulefollowers #onefifthofushassurvivedcodidalready #dontwannatemptfate #wehatecovid #quarantineisgoodforwriting #silverlining #butstillfcovid19

Navigating Murky Waters

Back in 2014, there was a measles outbreak in Orange County. The Covic-19 pandemic in 2020 takes me back. Back then, the sentiment was...Break out the masks, lock away your children and batten down the hatches! In other words...PANIC! Does that sound familiar?

As a self-professed, well-intentioned mama bear, I understand the urge to seek out and share information. We would be negligent to keep the facts to ourselves, right? But sometimes, along with the information exchange came some pretty harsh finger-pointing and shaming, particularly at those who see things differently than us. I completely understand the urge to find the truest version of the truth, the belief that more information will protect us, but condemnation isn't productive people. It separates us from that which connects us in the first place: our common parental motivation to do what's best.

Part of living in a close-knit community and espousing the "it-takes-a-village" approach to raising children, brings with it a deep and unavoidable caring about others: other parents burdened by the weight of the world, children who seek and need some normalcy, and community members who are suffering. But the worry is no excuse for being unkind.

As the months of the current pandemic ensued, we have witnessed some beautiful examples of loving each other, but we have also seen the nastiest of humanity emerge. And, just like in 2014, I think this is why:

Parents have strong emotions about things like contagious inflictions like measles, Covid-19, even lice and the stomach flu, because we're hard-wired to protect. For some, that extends to guarding against the terribly tragic effects of shut-downs too. The fear and concern come from the heart...the caring, feeling heart. 

But what I've learned over twenty years of parenting is this: throughout life, parents need other parents. When we're vulnerable and scared, we need each other for strength and perspective. When we're hurting and divided, we need each other's grace and humanity. And as we navigate all the different, "do-what's-best" waters, let's remember one thing: we are in the same, floating-on-choppy-seas boat, and often the best option is to grab an oar and paddle. Together, let's keep us all afloat. 

With love and grace. 

Jenn

#keepingitmessy #covidedition

Photo by Roberto Nickson on Unsplash

Critique Group...If You Don't Have One, Go Get One

 

Our critique group is the BEST part of quarantine! We used to meet twice a month when we met in person. Now we meet every week! And we are so happy about it! (In case the !! didn't convey that enough.)

Whether you've completed your work in progress or are just taking off, the right critique group can make a world of difference in your craft. Find one through local writing workshops, Google, even Twitter. The web is a great resource. 

And when you find the right one, make sure you're just as invested in giving feedback as you are in seeking it out. Generosity is essential in the writerly world.

Stay the course, friends. And happy writing.

Jenn and Holly

Clarity Amidst Uncertainty

Quarantine is hard. The COVID-19 coronavirus is scary. Life looks so different for so many of us. We are all trying to navigate a strange, new reality: no school, no get-togethers, no working out of the house, no casual dinners out, no quick trips to the mall, the list goes on.

It's too early to tell how bad the virus will hit our community. We don't know yet if our measures to distance ourselves from all.the.things is enough to bend the curve. Only time will tell the widespread toll this pandemic will have, so we just have to wait.

Wait with hope.
Wait in prayer.
Wait with grace.
Wait in awareness.
Wait with intention.
Wait in appreciation.
Wait with patience.
Wait in sympathy.
Wait with care.
Wait in community.
Wait with love.

Never have we been asked to do so much by doing so little. And hopefully soon, we'll get to gather with our friends again, and celebrate our survival with big hugs. We will have a new perspective, and we will never forget the time when we settled down and embraced the sacred task of taking care of each other.

Until then, we wish you health, wellness, and peace during these hard and humbling days. Remember, you are not alone.

Love from quarantine,

Holly and Jenn

#keepingitmessy

Keeping It Real

Disclaimer: I ADORE MY CHILDREN and I LOVE BEING A MOM. But sometimes I find it hard to like either of those things. Am I grateful? Always? Am I flabbergasted? Most of the time. Am I alone? Absolutely not!

Friends, Holly and I used to fill the pages of this blog with funny stories; our kids did and said the darnedest things. We used to write about practical tips, like how to rid your house of lice and what to do with all the littles during summer break. We used to share the emotional experience of mommying kids as they transitioned from one stage or age or phase to another. We used to think parenting was hard work. Good, hard, tiring work. (Giggles.) Oh, we were so naive.

Since our children are now adults and near-adults, (the world calls them teenagers but I was under the impression that parents still had some influence over that age group), we post less. And you should know, it's NOT for lack of content!

It's just, it's really hard to write a blog post about your teenager getting drunk and throwing up in your cute powder room and ruining one of the towels that no one is supposed to use and the frantic Google search for how to tell if your BABY has alcohol poisoning. It feels scary to put out there that you suspect your teenager is in an unhealthy relationship and you don't know exactly how to walk the fine line of being their safe place to share and also guiding them to find their boundaries.

It's painful to write about your emerging adult questioning the existence of God and drifting away from their faith. It hurts when the evolution of friendships results in someone being intentionally excluded, perhaps even on the verge of bullied. We don't really want to sing from the mountaintops about tickets and bad grades, tattoos and piercings, secret social media pages and friends we're not sure about, fights and drug tests, mistrust and missed curfews, YOLO-ing and knowing-it-all, anxiety and fear for the future. (The list goes on...) OH.THE.WORRY.

But, we also know that we have useful words. We have advice and suggestions. We have aching hearts and fierce prayer power. Because, in truth, so many of us have a cross (or forty-two) that we are carrying. And with each burden, often we find embarrassment, guilt, exasperation, terror, anger, sorrow, confusion, despair, and a myriad of other heavy, heavy feelings. But the answer isn't to close your curtains and only post pictures of the happy times. If we sit alone with those feelings and don't share the reality of the rocky, often heart-breaking path, guess what? It's unhealthy and isolating and leaves us unfortified.

Friends, we need each other. We need a tribe with which we can lay down our burdens. A group to whom we can text our stories of rule-breaking, disrespectful, gray-hair-inducing teenagers. Maybe Holly and I can't post "How-To-Not-Throttle-Your-Teenager" guides on the blog anymore, but please know we're here for you. Anytime you need a safe and confidential and non-judgmental space, just call. We'll brew some tea, or chill some Fireball, and hold space for the hard, hard days. Then we'll celebrate our teens' slow, eventual growth, find hope in the moments they let us see they have heard some of what we've been saying to them all these years, and one day, when they're safely to the shore of reason, we might even have a good laugh. It's time's march, and as parents, we just have to keep showing up. For them, and for each other.

In the thick of it with you, we wish you love and strength and a good night's sleep.

#keepingitmessy

Photo cred: Peter Fogden on Unsplash

A Word About Motherhood; The Unknown Road

Twenty years ago today, I became a mother for the first time. The journey of motherhood hasn't been anything I expected and certainly hasn't been anything I could have prepared for. Minus the diapering and feeding and daily care, making decisions to work or not work, almost everything else has come as a surprise. Shock even maybe. Even with all the great advice I received, there were still things so joyous, so sorrowful, so confusing and so perfect. Nothing can prepare you for that with children. Little pieces of my heart out in the big bad world fending for themselves. There will always be an ache from that, till the day I take my last breath.

As happy and fulfilled as I am as a mom, the emotion  from that ache can threaten to take me down at times. When I look at my adult son, I still see the little boy trying to go as fast as he can on his scooter, always with a huge smile on his face. Not much has changed, except I can't protect him anymore, from himself or anyone else. The passing of time means something so different now as I move out of mommy-dom and into parenting only teens and young adults. We are at the other end of the spectrum and it feels, well, WEIRD. Melancholy and bittersweet mixed with anticipation and so much love my heart could burst. 

This year 2020, represents a new decade of change. The last decade was a crazy time full of memories, some that still break my heart and take my breath away, and lots and lots of GROWING. My kids went from babies to teens in the blink of an eye. My husband and I got to know each other better. I made the best of friends. We lost some precious loved ones and found out what it meant to be taken down by illness and then to pick ourselves up again. We grew to love Jesus on a deeper level and discovered what the definition of being on your knees really means. It was all in preparation for now. Our kids moving in to young adulthood and moving further out of our control. They can pretty much go where they want and they have jobs and things that they do on their own. They have friends that I don't know and they spend most of their days away without me there to make sure they are eating right and using their manners. I have to trust more and more each year that they are implementing the things they learned while completely dependent on us and that they are kind, considerate, discerning, and trying hard in all they do.

I read a quote about motherhood from Kelly Corrigan that struck me:

"I am your mother, the first mile of your road. Me and all my obvious and hidden limitations. That means in addition to possibly wrecking you, I have the chance to give you what was given to me. A decent childhood, more good memories than bad, some values, a sense of a tribe, a run at happiness. You can't imagine how seriously I take that, even as I fail you.Mothering you is the first thing of consequence that I have ever done."

Yes.

And as we move into the new realm of the unknown, meeting the adults our children are becoming, it gives me a great sense of relief knowing that I took the job of mothering them seriously, and now I take seriously the job of stepping back and letting them move on without me. As painful as it is, I am excited to get to know them as the people God has designed them to be. Its facinating to sit back and watch. And although the control freak in me YEARNS to jump in and save and rescue and protect, I know that these humans I helped to create are on a path to great things and my job description is changing. I'm okay with that...mostly.

Happy 20th birthday Jake. I love you.

{H}

New Podcast...Happy New Year!

Happy New Year and New Decade!!

Today, we reflect on our #oneword for 2020, parenting teens (we NEVER have anything to say about this), pitching book one of the Realm series, and all the promise and belief the new year holds. 

Listen on Spotify or Anchor (no account needed.)

Please share...what's your #oneword? 

xoxoxo

#keepitmessy #freakingfireball #noinlawsyet #oneword