Never Fear a Good Challenge

VS.

This cookie photo courtesy of Cinnamon Productions, Ladera Ranch...world's best bakery and writing spot.

(Article published in OC Register on Friday, January 17)

Happy New Year! Well, I guess so. I’m on a diet and it’s hard. Like many, I spent the period from early-October (when Halloween candy hit the shelves at a low cost) through January 1 (when greasy food hit the spot from the eve’s festivities), eating whatever and whenever I wanted. Most of that three month period of indulgence has landed around my waist and it’s time to reel it in.

This year, one of my dear friends inspired me to join her with a two-week healthy eating challenge. There’s a book, a Facebook page and a support group to make sure we are successful. I’m sure at the end of it, I'll be one of the success stories but right now, this is how I feel: HUNGRY.

Though I've cut my intake of calories, I’m really trying not to starve myself. Something that's become very clear to me is that my need for food is psychological and it’s causing a very physical reaction in my body: cravings, hunger pains, heightened sense of smell (I swear I can smell the cookies from Cinnamon Productions a mile away), and crankiness. My poor family. I’m safest to be around pretty much only when I’m sleeping. My kids have been fairly warned and are being as sweet as pie...so sweet I might take a bite.

In all seriousness, I’m told these symptoms are completely normal and will subside by week two or three, if I make it that far. When I complained about the diet to my mom recently, she asked why I felt compelled to suffer through it. That gave me pause to think. Why am I depriving myself? Why am I allowing the desire for what I can’t have affect my moods? Why do I need to adhere to the diet’s rigidity? (Love her...my protective mama!)

But then I asked myself, well, why not? I’m the one who got myself into this position: addicted to sugar and craving carbs, not to mention the extra pounds of padding I've added around the middle. I'm the one who's moody because I can't have what I want when I want it. I'm the one whose self-indulgence landed me here. So I really am the only one who can change my position and perspective, and that takes work.

I may not enjoy every step of the way and I may growl on occasion, but I will appreciate a healthier me when I get to the end of this challenge, and I'll be proud that I did something good for my body. Isn't that what every challenge is about: hard work, good results and a rewarding sense of accomplishment?

As you evaluate your plans for the rest of the year, don't shy away from the tougher jobs that take more of your effort to fulfill, for they are well worth the work. They humble us and help us grow. Whatever your challenge may be, stay the course, and don't forget to celebrate at the end of the race, preferably with something sweet. As for me, it'll be a CP chocolate chip muffin and a Diet Coke. I can't wait!

{J}

Embrace the Yield

Happy 2014 friends! I'm not sure about you but I feel like I'm still a week behind. I blame Thanksgiving. With just over three weeks between it and Christmas, I felt behind before I'd even left the gate. So anyway, I'm late with this post.

Like Holly, I had a tough time narrowing down my "one word" for 2014. My focused, intentional, motivating word, the word that would set the theme for the entire year. (That's a lot of pressure for one little word, don't you think?)

Maybe it was the recent lice infestation, or maybe it was turning 40, or maybe it was that I failed at my goal of fully organizing my house and garage over break, but by applying my 2013 perspective to the year ahead, I found this perfect word: YIELD.

There are many definitions for the word YIELD and I have identified those that appeal to my various states of being. You know how I like to have all my bases covered.

1) YIELD: To give oneself over without resistance or contention. In 2014, I will apply this version of yielding when I feel the urge to dig my heels in; when my way is (IMHO) the only way; when I really want to WIN. For example, when I'm arguing with my children and I can't hear my grown-up voice of reason over my stubbornness, I will take a deep breath and YIELD. Or when my lack of control makes my anxiety spike, like at the movie theaters (lice) and church (more lice) and when my kids want hugs (number one transmission of LICE), I will take a step back and YIELD. Life is worth living, regardless of my inability to shield my family from the harshness of it. YIELD is what I will do when I know in my heart that the battle isn't really worth the scars that will result from the fight.

2) YIELD: To bring forth as a result of cultivation. No, I'm not speaking of farming, nor am I a skilled gardener, but I can weave a slew of words into a blog post or a newspaper article or a novel, and in 2014, I will strive to make my words count. In my writing life, I will focus on clean edits, meaningful sentences and compelling messages. And at writing conferences (our first is in two weeks), I will work on cultivating connections with other writers and industry professionals.

Hopefully 2014 will be the YEAR of the AGENT! We are actively seeking a literary agent to partner with us and bring our books to publication. Additionally, I will make my words count with my family and friends. Teaching lessons, giving praise, being kind, offering support and actively loving the people I am so blessed to know. In word and in deed, I will YIELD, foster and maintain meaningful relationships.

3) YIELD: To give place or precedence/acknowledge the superiority of someone else. This one is two-fold. Personally, I want to give precedence to my husband and children. I want to offer up my time and attention, not just when it's convenient for me, but when they neeeeeeed me. Like showing me a Minecraft world, or playing ping pong, or talking about friends, or taking a drive. Simply reconnecting.

In 2014, I will "give them place" above things that may otherwise demand my attention. When possible, I will YIELD to my family members and acknowledge their needs before mine. That doesn't mean I don't matter in this equation, it means I recognize that my husband and kids do. In fact, in cultivating a system of serving each other we all learn that in giving we receive. And here's part two of this one: In my faith, I will actively acknowledge the superiority of my God, the one whose grace is undeniable, whose blessings are immeasurable and whose love is unyielding.

YIELD. Such a small word with such great potential. Have you found a word that will fit your goals and needs for 2014? We'd love to hear about it. Here's to health, happiness, growth, perspective, friends, family and YOU! Happy New Year!

{J}

One Word

Hello friends! Happy 2014! Jenn and I really can't believe it's been a year since we started this blogging adventure and we're so happy you are with us! We are quickly coming to the end of our book and starting the new journey of searching for an agent! We are excited to share those stories with you as well! (More to come on that later...)

Since this is our first post of the new year, I thought it would be fitting to talk about resolutions. I have been introduced to a new way of looking at resolutions for this year and it's SO great! If you've read any of our other posts, you know that I have a tendency to get overwhelmed with lots of goals or priorities. Thinking about sitting down and writing out goals for the year makes me break out in hives. It seems that things change so quickly (stability has not found a home with us yet!) that I can easily be distracted and goals I set fall away. In reading several blogs written by friends of mine, I heard about Oneword365.com. It's a twist on setting New Year's resolutions that changes the focus from specific goals to encompassing one definition of the year in everything you do. I LOVE IT! The WORD you choose should exemplify your year. Of course there are MILLIONS of words to choose from so that was very overwhelming until I sat down and started writing out words I didn't want to use.

Words on my NO list: selfish, greed, caddy, gossip, lazy, unfulfilled, desire, pretty, shallow, procrastinate, doubt, hate, past, and ugly.

Most of those are self explanatory. I added Desire because for me, at this point in my life, it feels like a selfish word. It may not have any negative connotations for anyone else. Also, Pretty because I have given that word too much power in my life. And Past because I tend to hold onto things for too long when I should let them go. (Anyone?)

Words on my list to narrow down: Positive, beauty, persevere, simple, loved, strong, aware, balance, focus, intention, hope, renew, authentic, trust, believe, follow, grace, and promise.

Each of these words represents something that I want to be intentional at this year. I want to focus on simplifying so that I can put more time into the things that really matter. Family, friends, and Jesus. I want the word I choose to show my children what my priority is. I want my family and friends to know that when I am with them, I am present in the moment. I want my relationship with Jesus to grow deeper. I want to serve more. I want to find a good ebb and flow when it comes to time for pursuing my dream of writing and time for work commitments. I want to find space to expand on my words and writing style. I want to eat and live in a healthy way. I want to be proactive with my week so I feel less stressed. All of these things can be encompassed in one word.

INTENTIONAL

The word intention is defined as "the quality or state of having a purpose in mind". Doing things with intentionality means having a purpose to do so. Setting goals with that in mind helps to simplify. If I am asking myself with each task "what is my purpose?", it will help me to weed out the things that I say yes too and prioritize. Does it help my family? Does it enhance my relationships? Does it glorify my God? Does it keep me on track to achieving my goals in writing? If my answer is no, then I can say no, knowing that it is helping me stay focused on what is important.

The great thing about this is that it's just one word that I can focus on each day. Waking up each morning and thinking about being intentional, starts me off with the right frame of mind. I need to be intentional about the time I spend with Jesus. Making time for Him each morning. I need to be intentional about my time with my children in the morning so it doesn't turn into a crazy scream-fest and then end with a "have a great day!", yelled to them as they run off to their lines. I need to be intentional about the time I spend with my husband so our conversations are more than "who's going where" and "did anyone walk the dog?" I need to be intentional with my friends so they know that I don't take them for granted. I want people to know that when I say I will do something, I will follow through (something that unfortunately can't be said of me at this moment).

I hope that at the end of 2014, I will look back and be able to see the difference in how I make plans, how I live my life, and how I serve others. My hope is that this post will be inspiring to you! Take a moment, or a few, to think of what your One Word will be. How will you define this coming year? What will your focus be? {H}

The Magic Lives On

(Posted in the O.C. Register-12/20/13)

Christmas through the eyes of children is a magical experience. The perspective changes, however, when your child grows into a suspicious tween who's been getting mixed reports at school, or a full blown teenager who's got it all figured out. In my house it's challenging to manage the various versions of truth and belief circulating within.

My sweet and innocent youngest is beyond excited. He has revised his letter to Santa at least ten times. It's ready for the the mail, but he has some concerns about the reliability of the United States Postal Service.

"Mommy, don't you think Cocoa and Frosty could deliver my very important list to Santa faster than the mailman?" (Cocoa and Frosty are our "Elf-on-the-Shelf" elves.) When I agree to elf-delivery, the light in his eyes is completely contagious.

My middle, on the other hand, is distraught. He has come to tears more than once in the last month. Ever since he watched the movie "Guardians" (a must-see, by the way) with a friend who knew the wiser, he has been teetering on the edge of a painful reality, still frantically hoping the rumors are false.

"I don't want it to be true, mom. I want to still believe in Santa."

Per his request, I have neither confirmed nor denied the big man's existence. But I wish more than anything that I could erase his sadness and recover the lost innocence from this part of his childhood. It's heartbreaking.

My oldest is happily aware. She knows her dad and I are the Santa stand-ins and she's fine with it. In my opinion the rite of passage was perfectly timed. She actually made it to adolescence with her magical belief system completely intact. She even lost all of her baby teeth believing in the tooth-fairy. Lucky her! "Don't worry mom. I'll still pretend for the boys," she assures me.

Don't misunderstand me, our children know that, first and foremost, we celebrate Jesus' birth at Christmas-time. But during this season of transition, when their different beliefs are painfully apparent, I want them to know that Santa is more than just a list-collecting, chimney-hopping, gift-giver. He is a teacher. His job is powerful and real. Santa shows children how to believe in something they cannot see. Children need this ability for all of their lives: to believe in themselves, or in a cause, or in their friends, or in their future. This capacity to believe also extends to immeasurable things such as hope, faith and love.

Even though this year mine is a house divided, when the time comes, I want my children to understand why we waited as long as possible to reveal ourselves as Santa's helpers. Year after year, we delight in their sweet faces, lit with joy, when they discover the presents he's delivered. We are also eternally grateful for the intangible gift that he has given them: the gift to BELIEVE. This gift, after all, will last long into adulthood and one day, they will carry on the tradition of weaving magic and love and hope and joy into the Christmas season for their own children. And so, the magic lives on.

{J}

It's a Christmas Miracle!

This post is from the whole Hale family. Really. My kids wanted me to share this story and they had lots of ideas of what was important about this post. Writing for the blog is often a family affair. So here goes.

This past weekend, we made several trips to Home Depot. We had barely recovered from our over-indulgent Thanksgiving feast when we catapulted ourselves, along with the rest of South Orange County apparently, into the Christmas craze.

We went to Home Depot for the supplies we needed. Actually, we went six times. And frankly, it was way more crowded than the mall. (I was there too, so I know.) This was the weekend for everyone to get their Christmas on. On one hand, I appreciate that so many people waited until after Thanksgiving to set up for the Christmas holiday, allowing the turkeys their share of the holiday pie. But on the other hand, I didn't appreciate the scores of grumps that I encountered, all worrying about making the right purchases so they could prove how cheerful and "holiday-ish" they were. On the outside: "Look, we're totally in the spirit," and on the inside: "Quick, get that tree before that family gets to it. It's perfect and it's ours!" Charlie Brown would be horrified!

But I digress. Amidst the Christmas chaos and the shopping mayhem, there were still some wonderful people spreading cheer. We met one. Sunday night. Trip #6 to Home Depot. His name was Alan.

Alan overseas the Christmas tree lot at our Home Depot. They experienced record sales this past weekend and sold almost all of the trees. When we were ready for our tree, after church and a yummy Jalapeños dinner, we sang carols all the way to the lot and guess what? It was closed. Early, on account of them selling all but a few trees. Well, we walked all around the chain linked fence, searching for a way in, but to no avail. And that was very upsetting. To some in our family (ahem, Noah) it was devastating. Particularly because he had been asking to go get our tree every 38 seconds ALL day Sunday.

So when it didn't look like it was going to happen, the crying ensued. At first, it was a sniffle. It soon evolved into a sniffle-whine. Before we made it back around the fence, it was a snotty-wet-sniffle-hiccup-WAIL. No kidding!

Then...here comes Alan. He was wearing an invisible cape and used his super-hero hearing to identify the dreadful noise, making his way to us in order to save the day. You see, he'd seen us walking around the gate looking for a way in. He knew why we were there. And he knew the reason behind the moaning.

"Now I can't send you home like this," he called out to us as he approached.

He looked directly into Noah's glossy eyes as the tears continued to fall. The wailing ceased. Noah wanted to hear what Alan had to say.

"How about we see if we can find you a tree to take home? There aren't a lot to choose from but would you like to take a look?"

Noah, wet-faced and still hiccuping, nodded and wiped his nose. The rest of us nodded too and we were all filled with a rush that felt like equal parts luck and joy, because that's what it feels like when a Christmas miracle actually happens to your whole family! It was awesome!

Alan helped us find the best remaining tree. He gave it a fresh, chainsaw cut to its trunk, packed up some tree nourisher and put that gorgeous tree in the back of our truck. All the while, my children danced around him saying "It's a miracle!" "Thank you SOOO much!" "You're so nice!" "You should get a raise!" "Want to come over for Christmas?" Alan was smiling as much as they were. They were feeding each other joy. It was a beautiful exchange.

Once we paid, Alan handed us the receipt and asked us to do him a favor. Really? We were planning to name our next pet after you, but whatever you want...it's yours!

His request was simple: "Could you go to the Home Depot website and rate your experience today? Feel free to use my name. I'm Alan. I oversee the lot. It's been a long weekend and it would really help me out," he sighed. We agreed to complete the survey and we meant it. (It was the first survey we've ever completed.)

Driving off, the kids continued to squeal about our good fortune meeting Alan, the most thoughtful person we'd met that entire weekend. At the same time, I realized that Alan had probably had some run-ins with the other patrons that I mentioned earlier...the rushed, overwhelmed, cranky, "I-want-what-I-want-and-I'll-fight-you-for-it" type that were out in full force this past weekend. Yes, I can practically guarantee that our friend Alan dealt with customers that were less than kind. Those who didn't get their "perfect" tree because everyone was buying trees at the same time, or those who complained that the lot was understocked or overcrowded or the service was slow. And my fear was that those folks were completing online surveys of their own. It made me sad and grateful for Alan at the same time because despite his "tough" weekend, Alan had shown our family kindness and compassion and holiday cheer. And we were changed by his generosity.

Listen people, spreading joy, regardless of the holidays, is a choice. It's simple, lasting and has a rippling effect. More than anything, our community is in dire need of the simple spreading of joy. Instead of racing around to cross things off your list, make the effort to look up from the list and smile at someone, preferably someone with a scowl. That person needs it more than you know. Instead of merely going through the motions of decorating your house with cheerful lights, set aside some time to rekindle the light in your heart, remember the magic of holidays past, bring that light out and let it shine. You need that more than you know. And instead of focusing on the "bigger and better and newer" that you're told you must have to be happy, take stock in what you already have and share your abundance, be it toys and food, or compassion and grace. The world needs that more than you know.

So, as you find yourselves looking for the perfect gifts to show your loved ones how much you care, think of Alan and remember how simple it is to share that love and kindness and thoughtfulness. It can change the world.

{J}

Thanksgiving Revolution

Thanksgiving is tomorrow! Besides stressing out about how close that means Christmas is, I am thinking about how grateful I am. I need to note here that I am not grateful as OFTEN as I should be. Gratefulness and thanksgiving are not practices that come easily to me. When things are great, sure! Then it's easy.

What's not so easy is being thankful and grateful when life happens and dreams are put on hold. When we think that the thing that will change everything for the better is just around the corner and then it never comes. In those moments of fear and frustration, gratefulness is not what shows up first. But shouldn't it? Shouldn't we just feel miraculous that we have a place to live, food to eat, and opportunities each and every day to show others a spirit of joy?

I think that is what this Thanksgiving holiday is really all about. Whether or not you have a fancy dining room table with a beautiful centerpiece or you're having KFC right out of the bucket, being thankful for each and every day that we are given by our God and how BIG and AMAZING He is! Living that truth. I am learning to be grateful and thankful for just that. But it's taking practice.

I am also grateful that my family and I will be spending time with great friends all day long! Tomorrow will be about celebrating all kinds of blessings. It will also be, not just about remembering why we are grateful and thankful, but living it OUT LOUD. Kids may have made handprint turkeys with "What I am Thankful for Feathers" and posted them on kitchen refrigerators. Maybe you even have a Thanksgiving Thankful Tree decoration in your home with leaves to write your blessings on. Or maybe your family goes around the table before you eat and has everyone share what they are grateful for. It is a great habit to practice. This season of being grateful for the things we have received and sharing those grateful thoughts with those around us is a reminder to put that practice into action every day.

My family is thankful for the blessing of having a full thanksgiving dinner right at our fingertips. Turkey, pie, potatoes, stuffing and don't forget about green bean casserole. The seemingly unlimited amounts of food that will be baked, roasted, mashed and stuffed on this holiday will be thoroughly enjoyed by us(except for those picky eaters that I live with). But as I was compiling my list for the store this year, I came across a disturbing statistic. One in every six Americans is going hungry this holiday (and every day).

In this "land of plenty" that number seems crazy. How is that even possible? Especially when it seems the other five have stuffed themselves and still have leftovers for days? Something isn't adding up. What if this year we all decided to share our bounty? What if we could each buy two turkeys and give one away? What if we bought the ingredients to make a dinner and delivered it to a hotel for homeless families? What if...well, what if we just decided to give more and eat less? A favorite blogger of mine is always reminding her readers that "we belong to each other." How great would it be if we actually started living, day to day, in just that way?

We could start a Thanksgiving revolution! What is a revolution all about anyway? It's about change. Our revolution can be about taking care of each other. Let this Thanksgiving be a catalyst to feeling grateful and living it out loud ALL YEAR LONG! Sharing the bounty, no matter how big or small. Acts of generosity bring hope and blessing to others who are yearning for a sign that someone cares, that someone has noticed, and that something is changing. A little kindness plants a seed of hope, and that can go a long way. If we each did something little for someone in need, be it a neighbor or a stranger, who knows what kind of sparks we could ignite. I would love to find out!

This next week, as your making your third or fourth plate of leftovers and thinking how sick of turkey you are, take a second to think of something small you could do for someone else that would make them say "I'm so thankful for that!" Even if your circumstances have left you with only a smile to give to someone else, do it to the best of your ability. A smile can sometimes change someone's day.

So today, tomorrow and the next day, remember to be thankful in all your circumstances (remember it takes practice). Think about something little that you can do to pass some joy on to someone else, and look for things that will help you to LIVE OUT LOUD how grateful you are. The revolution has only just begun!

{H}

Get Over Myself

This morning started like any other day. Alarm going off too early. Dragging myself out of bed to get the kidlets up and going. Coffee. Waffles (um, the frozen kind, let's not get crazy), back packs packed, running in the rain (what? it's WET outside) to get to the car. Walking the dog, quickly so we aren't too drenched. Back home to HGTV and another cup of coffee. Then it was time to start my to-do list.

Today was supposed to be about cleaning and writing, but I think I started off on the wrong foot. Maybe I got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning, or maybe its the very rare rainy day, but my mind drifted to other things and my motivation dried up. I sat too long watching someone else's kitchen get remodeled and their house get decorated for Christmas and the Grinch in me raised its ugly head. I started thinking things like "we don't even HAVE a fireplace so I could decorate the mantle if I wanted to", and "I'm SO SICK AND TIRED of living in 900 square feet with 5 people, 3 of which are getting bigger EVERYDAY! (the other two might be as well but that's another rant). 

Discontent set in QUICKLY. It was all about ME and how I didn't deserve this!! I deserve to have a cute kitchen! I deserve to have a roaring fire in the fireplace when it's raining! All of these thoughts swirling around in my head and finally landing in me in a pity-party.

I started cleaning. Usually cleaning is my way of mulling over the situation. Whether it's an argument or I'm stressed about work or whatever, something about vacuuming away dirt and dust, and bleaching the heck out of everything puts me in a better frame of mind. This time though, it was only feeding my feelings of entitlement. My bathtubs are EXTREMELY hard to keep clean. They have these tiny ridges in them all along the bottom, for safety I suspect. But in order to get them clean enough I have to soak them in bleach and then scrub like a mad woman. I feel like I've run a marathon afterwards and so I leave it until I can't leave it anymore. So today, as I'm scrubbing away, I'm cursing the bath tubs in my head. Reminding myself how NO ONE ELSE cleans them. How if we lived in a "normal" house, I would have a nice tub with NO F***!@# RIDGES!!! I really worked myself up. By the time I was done, I had moved to a country house somewhere with porcelain tubs and was homeschooling my children so we wouldn't have to wake up early every morning.

I needed something to make me feel better. What usually does the job? Food. I decided I was going to make a batch of brownies and EAT THEM ALL because I would still have time to clean everything up and no one would even know we had brownies in the house. If my kids got home and could smell the left over aroma, I would simply explain it was a new candle I got as I brushed the last of the crumbs off my hands in to the sink. Ha! That would TOTALLY make me feel better!

I made the batch and put them in the oven and then sat down to scroll through FaceBook. What do you think the first thing I read was? An article about committing to others and not ourselves, pushing through selfishness so that we can see what the needs are around us and help to meet those needs. It was titled "Get Over Yourself". God really has a sense of humor.

The next article I saw was about raising kids to feel content in an entitled world. I am paraphrasing, but this line stood out..."And this combination of (the desire to consume and blurring the line between wants and needs) is creating a generation of children who aren’t grateful, who expect everything to be handed to them and don’t really know how to work and this breeds the greatest enemy of all: discontentment." (Source)

Discontentment was MY ENEMY this morning. Thank goodness the God who loves me NO MATTER WHAT saw fit to ease me out of my tantrum and open my eyes to the battle that I was fighting. Grace. Peace. Love. The frustration and sadness melted away and my soul was soothed.
I have heard that when we are too wrapped up in our own problems, focused on finding a solution, the best thing we can do is help someone else. After reading these articles that were divinely brought, my focus automatically shifted from myself to my kids. It's a rainy day. They probably had to stay in class all day and will come home wet and tired and bring all of the things, good and bad that happened to them home. I will be ready to meet them with a warm brownie and a hug and a lesson in my heart about the things that are important.

Did I still want to eat the whole batch myself? Of course, I mean they are chocolate chip BROWNIES and I am only human. Although the battle of discontentment will continue to wage in me on certain days, I am reminded that I am not fighting it on my own. My human strength is not enough but my God is enough. All I need to do is be open to shifting my focus and to the opportunities that will present themselves. It won't change the fact that I HATE my bath tubs, but it will keep my focus in check and help me to get over myself.

{H}