You Will Be Remebered

Change is in the air. In many ways, it's a good change. In other ways, it's sad. For Karen Gerhard, Principal of Ladera Ranch Middle School, it's an exciting and bittersweet change. After the great success and hard work of serving teachers and students, families and the Ladera Ranch community, Mrs. Gerhard is retiring.

The adventure ahead of her includes unlimited family time and the opportunity to watch her grandchildren grow into beautiful little people. It will also allow for time relaxing with her wonderful husband, who also happens be a principal and retiring, without the unrelenting interference of bell schedules.

While Karen Gerhard adjusts to the life of retirement, the community of Ladera Ranch will be adjusting to a campus without Mrs. Gerhard. (This is where the "sad" comes in.) Built in 2003, LRMS has 41 state-of-the-art classrooms, over 60 amazingly dedicated teachers and staff, and shares a beautiful campus with Ladera Ranch Elementary School and the Ladera Ranch branch of the Orange County Library. It's a one-stop-shop for all things learning for its approximately 1200 students. At the heart of it all is Karen Gerhard and she is adored and invaluable.

The teachers love her. They say she leaves her door open, always available to them. She supports their innumerable efforts of raising up middle-schoolers, (which is not an easy task). They say she's motivating and fair, an excellent administrator and that her shoes will be hard to fill.

The parents love her. They say she answers emails and hears their concerns. She has actual solutions to a wide array of issues and presents resources when parents need alternatives. They say she's approachable, friendly and sincerely cares for those kids...each and every one.

The students love her. They say she knows them and talks to them. She looks them in the eye, and not just because many of them are as tall as she is, but because she wants them to feel important. She makes their school a safe and fun place to learn. They say she's a great principal, treats them with kindness and smiles a lot.

So when a big change like this occurs, it's easy to focus on how uncomfortable and scary the unknown is, and how inconvenient that things must change. But the feeling around Ladera Ranch Middle School is different. Students, staff and parents alike are not dwelling. We are celebrating. Celebrating the career of a fabulous principal whose legacy is permanently emblazoned in the hearts and minds of the thousands of students, teachers and parents she met along the way. Congratulations, Mrs. Gerhard. You will be missed but more so, remembered.

{J}

Spend a Little T-I-M-E

I don't know about any of you married folk out there in reader land, but finding a regular date night or just time to connect appears to get more difficult as the years go on. My husband and I will be celebrating our 17th wedding anniversary in a few weeks. I asked him what he wanted to do and he just stared at me blankly like "you want me to think about that now?"

Let's be honest, marriage is H-A-R-D work and frankly there have been times when I just don't want to do the nitty gritty that needs to be done. Busy schedules keep us running. At the end of the day I look at my husband and think, "O... YOU." Our marriage has turned into a back burner relationship. It's there, simmering away but we've put the temp on low so we don't have to think much about it. Until of course black smoke is pouring out of the kitchen.

I have had the black smoke folks. It ain't pretty and it takes awhile to get rid of the damage it can cause. But, taking steps to move that very important "pot" to the front of the stove so you can really pay attention to it, will keep you from creating that damage in the first place. It does take a few sacrifices but if you're like us and have decided that your goal is to keep an intact, healthy family for your kids, here are some suggestions:

•Schedule date nights. I know that a million obstacles can get in the way but these nights could be as simple as checking in with each other for 10-15 minutes before you collapse, unconscious onto your pillow at night.

•As sad as it makes us, time is ticking away and those cute little children are on their way to being full fledged adults. They will live OUTSIDE your home one day leaving you and your spouse ALONE. Take a minute to let that sink in. What will that be like? Start paving the way for that relationship in the future by investing some minutes now.

•Re-new or re-read your wedding vows. This doesn't have to be an elaborate ceremony. It could be something that you do at the dinner table with the kids. Just make sure you are looking into the eyes of the person you have chosen to do life with. It's a reminder of what you committed to all those years ago and it could even be a little romantic.

These things take planning but like my daughter's music teacher says, T-I-M-E spells love. {H}

The Downside of Social Media

Hi friends! This post is the article that appeared in last week's OC Register. Since it was published, I have read three more articles on various blogs and news sites about Social Media and our teens and tweens. Jenn and I would love to hear any feedback or experiences that you have had with the various outlets available to our kids including Instagram, FaceBook, Ask.fm, KIK and SnapChat.

If you have a middle school aged child, chances are you have seen Instagram and Ask fm, two popular social media sites. I have many friends that use Instagram to post creatively doctored pictures of pets, children, and favorite items #cute.

It can be a fun way to express yourself. If you’re in middle school, it can also be a way to demean, degrade and otherwise humiliate each other. The crazy world of junior high is full of drama, turmoil, and hormones. The fragile ego of this age group leaves them susceptible to the fickle nature of friends who one day think they're the best and the next want nothing to do with them.

Enter Social Media.

In junior high years ago, we weren't alerted to every event that we weren't invited to and sent pictures of what we were missing. Yes, it was still hurtful to be excluded, but we could feel safe in our bedrooms where we were miserable without anyone knowing. Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram among others, bring it right into the privacy of our homes and our teens are bombarded with it.

How about Ask fm? Ever heard of it? An "Ask me" page can be linked to another social media profile where it encourages others to anonymously ask questions. It’s harmless enough when the questions are “Which Disney princess is your favorite?” but in this era of “shock value” the questions can be quite disturbing, very racist, and even pornographic. There are no privacy settings and all comments can be kept anonymous. That often facilitates young people saying things that they might not say face to face or if their names were being shared. Inhibitions disappear and that can lead to dangerous consequences.

In the UK, three teen suicides have been linked to comments posted on Ask fm., just in the last few months. Schools across Europe and the US have sent letters home, urging parents to disable the site and stop its use with their children. Unlike Facebook and Twitter, there is no way to report offensive and disturbing comments, or to uncover those behind the anonymous posts.

It is agreed across cyber safety websites that ALL social networking sites are not doing enough to protect children. Kids as young as eight have created Instagram accounts and may harmlessly post pictures of their school, bedroom, or favorite spots in town. It makes it too easy for child predators to find and stalk them. As parents, how can we protect them from the evil that lurks just a few clicks away?

First, become digitally savvy. Research new social media sites that have been created. Find out what their privacy policies are. Educate your children about being safe and smart when using these sites. Encourage them to be kind. A sweet friend from my son's Bible study group had some vile things posted on her Ask fm page. In response, they had a week long “fast” from Instagram and took down their Ask fm links. They vowed to only post encouraging things and to stay off Ask fm for good. Many of their peers are following suit.

The moral of this story? Get connected! Learn about the sites that your children are visiting, or will visit, and do anything necessary to protect them. You are the first and most important step in protecting your kids in this cyber social media jungle.

{H}

Summer Fun = Financial Crisis?

Summertime and the feeling is...BROKE!

Wait...isn't it supposed to be "EASY"? Well, that depends.

The things that my husband and I love about summer are the same as many parents we know: we don't have to pack hundreds of lunches or drag cranky kids out of bed. We don't have to carpool to three different schools and we get a break from homework, projects and activities. Hallelujah!

But that's not all we love about summertime. We love that the kids play outside in the neighborhood ALL DAY. We love regular bike rides to Juice it Up for Congo Lime smoothies, walks to Hill Top Park with our doggy, visits to the Ladera Ranch Library for more reading material, beach days and pool days and sprinklers-on-the-lawn days. We love picnics and play-dates and barbecues - CONNECTING with each other. Those are the highlights of summer.

In the last few weeks, we've been inundated with fliers and emails about summer camps, enrichment classes, amusement park discounts and activities galore...all of the possible options to fill our summer to the brim. But we don't want to go into debt to "entertain" our children as though they're relatives visiting from out of state. We've scheduled a few things but we can't do it ALL. Even if we could afford a trip to every local amusement park, luxury movie theaters, trampoline centers and water parks, on top of surf, cheer and tennis camps...even if we could, we wouldn't.

If we schedule away the peaceful, easy months of summer, we'll miss out in the fun of being spontaneous, which is sorely undervalued in our busy culture. I don't know about you, but we want the freedom to enjoy a day trip just because, or say yes when the kids come up with a great plan. We also want our kids to find value in creating their own fun, like cardboard forts, neighborhood obstacle courses and fresh-squeezed lemonade stands. And nothing beats a Netflix-family-movie-night with real buttered popcorn, or lazy, lounging mornings with absolutely nothing on the agenda. If we overbook our summer, we will miss every bit of it.

So as you sift through the options, resist the urge to fill every free moment. As a family, decide on the definite musts. Make sure you take advantage of your non-scheduled time, don't forget the local, low-cost options, and enjoy a peaceful, family-bonding, fun-filled summer. Who knows, with the money you save, maybe you can start planning a family vacation for winter break. It'll be here before you know it!

{J}

Letter to My Sons

This is a continuation of our series: Letters to our Children.

If you would like to submit a letter that you have written, please email us at itsamatterofmments@gmail.com

Dear Jake and Josh,

When you were little, I had grand plans about writing to you every birthday. The letters would be heartfelt, pieces of me, which you would always cherish and share with your children. "These are grandma's words of wisdom," you would say.

Well, that never happened. It wasn't because I had nothing to say (although I'm sure you already know that). It was that my heart was always so full, experiencing your baby "firsts", that I could never put the all the words down on paper only one time a year.

So I bought a journal. I would write down a few words describing something you did and record it throughout the year. Reading through it recently, a few nuggets came to mind that will be important for you during the rest of your "firsts". Growing up is hard work but your dad and I have been there and we will walk you through it. Here's our top five:

1) Use your sense of humor to pull you through the tough times. Being able to laugh at yourself and not take every situation too seriously will help you know when to let things slide off your back.

2) Remember that you are brothers forever. You may irritate and annoy each other now but in 10-15 years you will be best friends. The opinion of your brother will matter more to you than anyone else's. You will grow old together and show your families what love is all about.

3) Always treat girls with respect, even when they are mean. Just as you do your sister. It's better to walk away than to say or do something that will have a lasting consequence for your future.

4) Be humble. Humble confidence is an endearing quality to have and will help you be a leader that encourages others, shows kindness and often works behind the scenes without needing the spotlight.

5) Use the talents that have been gifted to you to be of service to others. Approach every task with a servant's heart. Boring, mundane and difficult tasks will test your faith and endurance, but if you ask "what can I do to help?" it will change your perspective.

Your father and I will always have your back. Mistakes will be made, that I guarantee, but we will help you through them and love you no matter what. I hope that you will tuck these anecdotes away to use when you need them most and remember, no matter how old you are I will be there for all of your "firsts".

Love, Mom

{H}

Thank a Teacher...

This week is Teacher Appreciation Week at our local elementary school. That means we are all taking an extra moment to show our appreciation in words and in deeds, to the amazing, devoted, creative, loving and extremely patient teachers who have committed their careers to shaping little human beings. While my kids were writing their thoughts of thanks on a boat-shaped cut out yesterday, it made me thankful that I've had the opportunity to work in my kids' classrooms and see first-hand how incredible their teachers are. I specifically remembered an encounter I had with my youngest son's teacher when he was in the second grade.

It was Friday afternoon, the bliss of the approaching weekend was beginning to settle, and I was outside my son's classroom waiting for the dismissal bell. Once the shrill ring pierced the air, I made my way into Mrs. A's classroom to collect my sweet 2nd-grader. As I entered the sea of carefree kids, I looked toward Mrs. A and offered her my wishes for a great weekend. Noah gathered his belongings at my feet when it happened...she gave me "the look."

This look, I'm sure you've witnessed it, or been the subject of it, can mean one of two things. One - my little person did something offensive that Mrs. A needs to share with me, or two - I'm being recruited. On this particular Friday, it was the latter.

So why did that look terrify me? Why did my flight response elevate to such high levels that I was almost willing to abandon my boys in order to escape the assignment? Because, though I hate to admit it, at times I'm selfish.

Moms, I'm sure you can relate. We juggle the needs of the members of our families, we manage complex and ever-changing households, many of us work in various degrees outside of the home, we volunteer at school, at church, for our charities of choice, and want to be present and productive as only we can be. And occasionally, we just want a quiet weekend. At that moment, that's where I was coming from.

Like elementary teachers across the country, Mrs. A has more creative ideas and well intentions than the district budget and the hours in her day, can support. That's where we come in - the able-bodied and available parents, those of us blessed enough to volunteer in our kids' classrooms and assist their teachers in the monumental task of educating our little scholars.

That Friday, my selfishness was overruled by my interest to assist. Mrs. A needed my help with a project that wouldn't quite fit in her already overburdened schedule of planning, assembling, creating, grading, assessing, leading and ultimately growing smart and good little citizens. Despite my initial reaction to run for the hills, I offered to help, honored to even be trusted with the task. Even Noah was proud of my relationship with his teacher...he LOVES Mrs. A! The benefit far outweighed the minor expense of my time.

So, for all that Mrs. A and dedicated teachers everywhere do for our children, they deserve our gratitude. During this week, and throughout the year, I suggest you find a way to communicate your appreciation, with a simple "Thank you," a thoughtful note, a quick email, or happily running to a teacher in need, especially when you get "the look."

{J}

Katie's Story, Part II

Saturday night, May 4th, was pasta night at the Hawley house. 20+ people were gathered around noodles, lasagna, and garlic bread for some “carb loading”. At least that’s what we’ve been told it’s called by our runner friends. Why were we carb loading you ask? In preparation for our grueling 5K walk for “Reaching for the Cure”. I kid because the walk was fun.

The cause we walked for is serious.

The Pediatric Cancer Research Foundation raised $424,000 for cancer research last weekend. It was their 15th annual half marathon, 10K run, 5K run/walk at the Irvine Spectrum. Currently, the areas they fund are stem cell transplantation, stem cell biology, molecular oncology and molecular and cellular genetics. Lots of medical terms that basically mean finding a cure for and improving the quality of life for children with malignant diseases. The main purpose of the PCRF is to fund innovative research so that every child will be cancer free. But they can’t do it without donations.

The event was a day of coming together and having fun. Just like some of the other days in the life of Katie Hawley. Those days may look at little different than you think. The principal at her Middle School has agreed to change her schedule so that she can attend her core classes in the morning and drive to Children’s Hospital Los Angeles for chemotherapy treatments in the afternoon. She makes it back for things like Bible study with her “MMAD” group (Middle-schoolers Making a Difference) and Crux, the youth group at Crossline Church on Wednesday nights. She meets friends for dinner at favorite spots like Soup Plantation and Outback Steak house. The fun accompanies the work, and its HARD work.

Katie recently spent two weeks in San Francisco receiving the first of two MIGB treatments.

Pure radiation folks.

Her doctors told her parents that she would probably be sick and weak after the treatment and need to be isolated until the radiation levels went down. Turns out they were shocked to learn that when she was discharged (on her dad’s birthday) she WALKED out of the hospital and was hanging out with her friends by the weekend. She is a warrior. Consistently surprising her doctor’s with her stamina and energy. But she can't do it alone.

The Hawley family has begun a revolution. They, unknowingly, have created blessings for other people, by taking the unimaginable and generating a buzz around Ladera that asks “How will you make the most of what you have been given?” I know they have done that for me.

If your heart has been moved and you are asking yourself, “what can I do?” THINK of what you can provide for children that need incredible moments brought to them. Have access to a popular sports team? Know someone with VIP Disney passes? Are you a photographer that could do a free session for a family battling this devastating disease? Have money to donate to contribute to a CURE? DO it!

From May 17th to May 26th, get your car washed at Las Flores Hand Car Wash and they will donate $2 to a Gas for Katie Fund, providing gas cards for the Hawley family to go to and from Children’s Hospital Los Angeles. If you would like to make a direct donation go to www.gas4katie.org

Whatever you think you can do, do it! You don't have to wait for the next charity run to make a child's dream come true. Help now. It will be one of the most important things you'll ever do, I promise. {H}